Never Say Goodbye
by ShadowGrafAngel
Summary: Wanda has to make a decision to protect the ones she loves: will she save Mel and kill herself or will she let herself be happy with Ian and live her life. Rated T  for mild sexual theme towards the end  nothing grafic  I'd rather be safe than sorry here.


Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Host or the song

The way I imaginedthe Wanda deciding to leave part…

Enjoy! (Feel free to comment)

"_To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."_

_-Brandi Snyder_

**Wanderer's POV**

Have you ever wondered about death? Ever questioned why so many people desperately crave it while others fear it with a passion? I've been contemplating these things, along with many other things revolving around my root problem: Mel, our shared body, Jared…Ian. I have never felt so perplexed by my own feelings, then again, they are not completely my own. It was unfair to everyone, this arrangement. None of us could do as we wished because we had to worry about someone else's reaction to it. Mel and Jared couldn't truly be together until I was out of her body. Mel, my friend, could not have her happiness until I was out of the picture and out of her body.

As I thought about this, I heard a knock on the stone walls outside my room. I snapped out of my thoughts as I called out saying that whoever it was could enter.

"Hey, Wanda," they called to me. It was Jamie.

"Hey, Jamie. Mel says to tell you 'hey'." I told him. I watched as his small smile for me grew into a wide, face splitting beam. I couldn't help but feel a brief spike of pain; no one would _really_ miss me if I were to leave, they'd be ecstatic that Mel was back to just being her.

_'You know that that isn't true, Wanda!'_ Mel shouted in our head. _'He loves you as much as he loves me, and don't even try to go into that argument about no one caring if you were one. What about Ian, if no one else? He would miss you like crazy if you left!'_ Mel continued. She normally wasn't this pushy on the matter. _'Of course I'm being pushy! You're seriously considering leaving now!'_

_'I am considering it. I've been thinking about it since I got to know you,'_ I snap. I hated being all snippy, especially with her, but I was already in a foul mood. Who wouldn't be after having to think about leaving the person that they may very well be in love with? That they would probably have to leave everyone they cared about when they…disappeared.

_'…why did you pause so long before you though 'disappeared'?'_ she asked tentatively

_'It's nothing,'_ I thought back.

"Wanda?" a voice asked. I halted the conversation with Mel and rejoined the outside world. Jamie was the voice talking to me.

"Hmmm? Sorry, inner conversation with Mel."

"Oh. What did she have to say?" he asked, sending another spark of pain through me.

"Not much really, just the usual. 'Tell Jamie that I love him. Give him loads of hugs from me,' was basically what it revolved around." I told him as I leaned forward to give him a Mel sized bear hug.

"You gonna be ready to go eat soon?" he asked me after about a minute of monster bear hugs.

"Ya, I just need to freshen up a bit before I go down. You go ahead and start grabbing some food, I'll meet you there when I'm done." I told him as I started walking toward the door.

"Okay, Wanda. See you in a bit," he called over his shoulder.

**After her bath**

I was dressed and I was hungry for whatever they were serving us today, all I had to do was think up what the 'story' for today's meal was going to be. Should I give them a story of artistic wonders or of a world of fire creatures? Maybe I should tell them about the Claw Beasts; that would get their hearts pumping…

As I pondered the course of the story I would tell them, Ian came up beside me, shaking me from my reverie.

"Hey, Wanda," he said wrapping his arm around my waist. Mel hated when he did that, and so did I after she started screeching about ripping him apart for doing it. She got especially angry every time he tried to kiss me. It gave me a headache, all her screeching, so I always stopped him.

"Ian" there must have been something off in my tone because his brows furrowed together and he looked at me hard.

"What's wrong, Wanda?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that today?" I wondered aloud. I brought my attention back to him, "Nothing's wrong, I'm just…tired."

He looked me in the eye with his piercing stare, "Tired? Just tired?" he asked.

"Uh-huh. I haven't been sleeping enough. Stop with the worried look, it's just a case of insomnia. I've always had sleep issues and it's nothing to worry about."

He didn't look convinced.

"Wanda…,"

"Ian, really, it's nothing to worry about. I promise."

He stared into my eyes a while longer and then a small smile graced his lips. At least he finally believed me. He gave me a quick hug and turned to the food.

_'Wanda, don't do this. DO _NOT_ DO IT, WANDA! You can't-'_ I cut her off.

_'Yes I can, Mel. You deserve to be with Jared; to be happy,'_ I internally whispered.

_'You deserve to be happy to, Wanda. You deserve happiness more than anyone,'_ she cried out.

_'Mel, I'm a parasite, you're a human. We deserve two totally different things…'_

_'No, we deserve the same thing: love. You and I both have every damn right to love. I love Jared, you love Ian, and we both deserve it.'_

_'Me being here isn't fair to any of us. You and Jared are barred from each other by me, and I-I can't give Ian what he needs and deserves'_ I said, dejected. _"Look, I'm not going to have this conversation with you._ _It's going to happen and nothing you say is going to stop me; I know that it's the right thing to do."_

**Later that night (in Ian/Wanda's room)**

I sat in his room for what felt like moments, but turned out to be hours. At least, that's what Ian told me when he came back to the room. I had been just lying down on the floor staring at the ceiling, he told me. I had a blank look on my face and it had taken him a few minutes to get me to respond to him when he was trying to talk to me.

Now I was cuddled up in his lean arms, his body heat sinking into me as I contemplated my decision about leaving this planet, leaving my existence. I was still going to leave but it seemed to be getting harder and harder to make myself go to Doc and get it over with. I was being held back by something. No, not something. Someone would be more accurate. I couldn't leave Jared and Jamie, I had grown to attached to them and I couldn't bring myself to imagine the look on Jamie's face when I am to leave, even if I knew that it wouldn't actually happen. Jamie believed that he cared about me, but it was only because I wore his sister's body. No one would really miss me if I was to go, but I could still enjoy the pretending that had become a constant in my mind.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Ian's voice broke through to me.

"Not much really, just how I wish I could stay in this moment forever," I sighed softly into his neck as I curled in closer to him.

**If I could take this moment forever  
>Turn the pages of my mind<br>To another place and time  
>We would never say goodbye<strong>

If only I didn't have to say good bye, I thought to myself. If only this one moment, the one where I am the most happy, was able to last forever. If this were another place and time I wouldn't have met them, but I wouldn't have to feel the excruciating pain that came with knowing them. The pain that came with leaving them was near unbearable.

"Why can't it?" he whispered into my ear sending a tickle down my spine.  
><strong><br>If I could find the words I would speak them  
>Then I wouldn't be tongue-tied<br>When I looked into your eyes  
>We would never say goodbye<strong>

I didn't answer him; I didn't have the right words to express what I wanted to say. It was one of the downsides to this planet; people became tongue-tied so easily. It happed to me whenever I looked into his eyes. I loved and hated that feeling that he gave me. I loved it because it made me feel all fluttery inside, but I hated it because it made the upcoming goodbye heartbreaking.

**If I could stop the moon ever rising  
>Day would not become the night<br>Wouldn't feel this cold inside  
>And we'd never say goodbye<strong>

"Wanda? Why can't this last forever," he asked again. He turned me to look him in the eye; I couldn't lie, but I defiantly couldn't even make a good attempt if I was looking him in the eye and he knew it.

"It can't last forever because…nothing lasts forever," I said with conviction. It was the truth and he couldn't dispute it without lying to himself.

"Love extends beyond the grave, Wanda," he replied stubbornly. He was so cute when he was trying to get his way…

"No it doesn't, Ian. There's nothing beyond the grave, not for me," I trailed off as my thoughts continued down that path. His kind believed in an eternal peace with your loved ones after you died, but my kind knew that 'heaven' and 'hell' were just creations of man to get their way; if you were good you'd go to heaven, but if you disobeyed you were sent to hell for eternal torment.

"What do you mean by that," he questioned me.

"When Souls die…there is nothing beyond that; we die and nothing happens. We don't float around searching for the thing that made us not continue on; we just…disappear. Poof! Gone. No more," I told him sadly. If only there was a beyond for Souls; I would see him again if that were the case…

**I wish that our dreams were frozen  
>Then our hearts would not be broken<br>When we let each other go...**

My dreams would stay just that, though, a dream. There would be no change in what was to come; I would go and sacrifice myself to better the human's chance of survival. Even though I was doing so much to help them, like their supposed savior, I would not see the gates of heaven or the fires of hell.

The more I thought about it, the sadder I felt. The more I thought about it, the more my heart broke. If I had never met him, I wouldn't have my heart breaking now. If Ian would have kept hating me, I would not feel the throb in my heart telling me not to break his heart.

**If I could steal this moment forever  
>Paint a picture-perfect smile<br>So our story stayed alive  
>We would never say goodbye<strong>

I faked a yawn and closed my eyes.

**After Ian Falls Asleep**

Ian was limp beside me; a soft snore starting up as the minutes passed. I leaned over his prone form and dusted my lips over his, smiling when I felt a soft sigh against my lips. I felt my heart drop to my stomach when I remembered I was going to be hurting him; he loved me so much…

_'You don't have to leave him, Wanda…we could work something out; you, me, and the guys. We could figure out a way for this to work and you wouldn't have to hurt Ian,'_ Mel whispered in our mind.

_'Staying isn't an option for me, Mel…I couldn't do that to any of you guys,'_ I murmured back.

_'You'll be doing more harm than good if you leave,'_ I could hear the desperation in her voice; it hurt to hear her like that, but I had to leave to make things better. I hardened my resolve.

_'If I don't leave I'll stay attracted to Jared and you'll get angry at me every time it happens,' I could feel her about to protest but I just carried on, 'the longer I stay attracted to him the less my mind can focus on Ian and I know it hurts him to know I love him but I also love Jared.'_ I think I would've started crying if I didn't remember that bit; I could feel the damp heat behind my eye and my voice hitched.

_'But-'_

_'You can't change my mind, Mel…'  
><em>I hated I was so selfish, but I still wanted Ian to remember me after I was gone. I wanted him to remember the good times we shared…not that we had that many, but still. If I thought about him missing me I'd cry and I wouldn't be able to leave if I thought about all the pain I would be putting him through.

'_Ian, please don't hate me for what I'm about to do…I love you so much so please remember the good parts of the time you knew me. Please don't mourn me; I can't stand to think about you hurting. I want you to think about how much I love you and how I wish I could stay. Please don't think I didn't want to stay…I just wanted you and Mel and Jared to be happy and safe. I know it's a lot to ask, especially after what I'm doing, but I know you'll find another woman…she'll be better for you and she'll actually deserve to call you hers…Goodbye Ian,'_ I gave him one last kiss and fled the room.

As I ran I felt the tears stream down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't see through my tears and I forced myself to stop; I would've killed myself if I had kept running and I didn't want Mel dead because of my stupidity.

_'You're too selfless, Wanda_,' Mel sighed.

I leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor; even when Mel was athletic, I was still easily exhausted by sprinting over uneven ground.

"Wanda," a voice questioned in the dark. My heart stuttered and I knew who it was; only two people caused that reaction in me. Jared walked closer to me while I remained silent. I felt more than saw him crouch down next to me. I brought my knees to my chest and buried my head in my arms.

"Wanda, what's wrong, did someone hurt you…is Mel okay?"

"Mel's fine." I felt the tension leave his body at my mumbled reply.

_'No I'm not, Wanda. My best friend is going to get herself killed and I can't stop her. I am the furthest thing from okay…'_

"Oh…that's good. What's wrong then," I could picture the frown on his face deepening the creases between his brows.

"Just not feeling well I guess, a little dizzy; nothing to worry about," I tried to give a convincing smile, but I could feel it was more of a grimace.

"Do you need to go to Doc?"

"I just need to sit down for awhile and then I'll be fine," I couldn't believe he was buying my lies so easily…I was the worst liar on any of the planets I had been on.

"I'm going to bed then…if you need anything; you know you can come to me." He turned and walked back down the hall.

**At Doc's**

I laid on the bed and heard the springs squeak as I flattened out onto my stomach.

"Wanda, you don't need to do this," Doc tried to stop me for the umpteenth time.

"No, Doc, I need to do this. It's not just for them…it's for me too."

"What do you mean it's for you, if it was for you, you'd stay here and be with everyone…we love you here, Wanda. Please don't make me take the life of a friend when I've already lost so many," I felt bad about making him beg, but it was imperative I was taken out of Melanie and, if it was aloud, be buried with the others. I should probably ask if it would be possible.

"Doc," I asked.

"Yes, Wanda," I could feel his excitement; he probably thought I was going to say I wasn't going to be going through with my death. I hated to disappoint him…

"Would I- would I be able to be buried with the others," I asked hesitantly.

"Wanda," he started.

"Oh, I probably can't; the others wouldn't want an alien buried with some of their own…even if they like me, I'm still a part of the people who took over their planet," I sighed.

"Wanda-,"

"You are not going to die, Wanda," I whipped my head around to stare at the figure in the archway. Ian.

"Ian-," I tried.

"No buts, Wanda! You are not going to die today, I won't let you do it."

"How did-,"

"How did I know? Jared came to me after he talked to you and said there was something off about you," I guess Jared didn't buy the lie I feed him, "he told me you were 'not feeling well' and I should make sure you were okay." I frowned, "he told me I might want to go to Doc's and make sure you didn't get away," he must have seen the look on my face because he rolled his eyes and said, "you still suck at lying, Love. No one would believe your lies and thank God for that!"\

"It'd be better if I-,"

"I swear, Wanda, if you were about to say it would be better if you left me, I'd have to shake some sense into you," he put his index finger under my chin and turned my face toward him, "Do you truly believe we would be better off without you? After all the good things you've done for us," he shook his head in amazement, "you turned me off being bloodthirsty and ruthless; if you hadn't come here and changed the way I though…"

"Ian, please-" he cut me off.

"Never leave me, Wanda," he looked me dead in the eye; "I refuse to walk this earth without you at my side."

I started to say something, but he stopped me. The pressure I felt against my lips was a contradiction in itself. It was soft and rough, burning with a passionate love and blazing anger. His lips against mine showed me how much he loved me…how much he hated I tried to leave him. The need in the kiss was palpable. A wave of overwhelming love washed over me as his hands grasped my waist and twisted in my hair. I felt a need in the pit of my stomach, an urge I couldn't deny myself. I loved him and he loved me; the glint in his eyes glowed with love and lust.

He pulled back slightly, not far enough to keep our lips from brushing when he spoke. "Wanda," he breathed. The brush of his lips against mine as he whispered my name made me moan; there was just something about him saying my name like that with that look in his eyes…

_'I'm only going to give you two tonight, so it better be earth shattering. I'm so out of here,'_ Mel said; I could almost hear a door slam shut.

I heard the shuffle of footsteps in my subconscious as Doc left the room; a wise move on his part. I didn't know how far Ian and I were going to go, but I knew privacy would be needed for whatever heights we reached together. I let out a breathy gasp as the hand at my waist shifted and less than a second later I felt his calloused hand on the bare skin of my hip. He lightly brushed my sides and I let loose a soft giggle at the sensation. I knew enough about humans to know giggling typically destroyed the mood, but in the case of Ian and I giggling brought a smile to his lips and his wandering hands danced over my stomach. I felt the hand at my neck come down and my shirt being lifted up. As my shirt came off I wriggled my hands under his. Pleasure filled me as I dusted my fingers over his abs; lifting his shirt up and revealing his god-like abs as I went farther up his chest.

Slowly he was pushing us backwards. I felt the edge of the hospital bed behind my thighs; he was trying to get me in bed, I though with a feminine giggle. I leaned back swiftly causing him to lose his balance and land on top of me in the bed. He had a stunned look on his face for a moment and then he let out a low chuckle. His lips were on mine again before I could make another sound.

As the hours passed we both reached heights beyond the stars and soared in utter bliss. I remember curling up into his arms with my head resting over his heart. His heartbeat was the lullaby that swept me into a dreamless sleep.

"Goodnight, Wanda, my love…" he whispered in my ear as he pulled the white blanket over us.

**Morning**

"Should we wake them up," a voice questioned. I heard a loud smack and a suppressed yelp of pain.

"Why would you say that? Just look at them…they are so adorable all cuddled up like that," a woman sighed. I scrunched up my face; why were there people in my dream and why were they talking about-oh no, not good…My eyes snapped open. Surrounding Ian and I was…everyone. I felt the start of a blush crawl up my chest and face; I pulled the blanket tighter around us.

"Leave the love birds alone," Jeb told them, exasperated.

Ian shifted behind me and drew his arm tighter around my waist. I shifted, trying to wake him up so I could get up; he nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and murmured something unintelligible.

"Ian," he didn't wake up, "Ian, wake up," I said louder, still nothing, "Ian, WAKE UP," I near shouted in his ear. He jerked awake and swiveled his head around to find what had disturbed him; his eyes gradually landed on me. A soft smile appeared on his face and he kissed me as he said good morning. "Ian, can you get off me, please," he looked hurt by that, "everyone's watching us and I'm not exactly…decent right now," I told him glancing over our…position. Confusion appeared on his face and then comprehension took its place within moments. His lips parted in a silent 'oh'.

Jeb and the others had the decency to leave the room to let Ian and I get dressed.

"By the way, Wanda," Ian said as he finished pulling on his shirt.

"Hmmm," I said in acknowledgement.

"If you wanted out of your current body, all you had to do was tell me," I lifted my brow in confusion. "I would've gone out and gotten you another body," he must have seen the horror on my face, because he chuckled and quickly explained what he was proposing. "I'm not talking about getting an unoccupied body, I'm talking about replacing you in an already host occupied body."

"…really? You'd do that for me," I asked hesitantly; he was human, he should've wanted me dead not living in another body.

"Of course, I'd do anything for you," he said as he pressed his lips to mine once more.

'Never put me through that again, Wanda. I love you, Wanda, but please change bodies so I don't have to do that again. I'm begging you,' Mel yelled in desperation.

I thought for a moment, letting Mel sweat it out for a moment. I glanced back at Ian.

I looped my arms around his neck. "I do believe a new body is just what the doctor ordered," I whispered into his neck with a smile big enough to break my face in half.


End file.
